The day turned out less busy than I predicted. I slept in, always a pleasant way to start the day, then spent the next several hours doing domestic chores. Josh came over to play which kept Sport Boy busy and they've now gone back to his place for a sleepover so the house is quiet, just The Eagles playing, the tennis on the TV, the premier league being monitored and the blog being added to as we speak.
We have a small laundry. That's a hassle cause we have an inordinately dirty family, at least I figure we must have considering how much clothing accumulates in the laundry every day seeking to be washed. It makes gaining access to the linen press or storage cupboard difficult and at times getting to the toilet becomes an olympic event. In light of this, I decided to do some washing.
Towels first. How come we have so many towels? There are only 5 of us living in the house on a regular basis but by my calculation there are enough dirty towels to provide each family member 3 per day.
Observer's Note: "Don't you have a teenage daughter?"
Yeah. Oh, now I understand.
Next, a load of sheets, pillow cases, doona covers and a couple of pairs of undies.
So far so good.
3rd load, 2 doonas and a load of odds and ends, bath mats, hand towels, more undies etc.
Stand by for report of domestic divine intervention. Having adjusted the water level I thought I'd check that it was all working properly. Open the lid. Hmmm! That's an interesting shade of pink starting to spread from that deep crimson bath mat! Perhaps that shouldn't be washed with anything else! Sure this intervention doesn't rate up there with the biggies, the salvation of mankind, the comeback by the Sydney Swans in the Qualifying Final, the time I gave back the extra $5 I was given in change at the newsagent; but in terms of salvaging my tenuous domestic reputation and preventing a complete load of non-pink items being inexorably and permanently changed for the worse, this ranks right up there.
The rest of the load proceeded without incident, the doonas are on the line as we speak and look just like they did on the pack, (white and clean, not wet and dripping).
Having cleared the domestic debris I moved on to bonus washing, the box of Cool School Race Camp lanyards that have been sitting in my office since early December waiting to have the sweat and DNA of 170 grimy teenagers removed from them.
With the washing out of the way I turned my attention to the bedroom. There are small pockets of the bedroom which have had a makeover, been cleaned, tidied and decorated with a variety of pictures, ornaments, candles and unidentified female knick-knacks, stuff men throw out and women find attractive. No that's harsh, the treated areas look good, it's the untreated areas I wanted to concentrate on, specifically the several boxes and crates of "stuff". Old magazines, clothing in need of repair, odd socks, school newsletters, payslips, books, old diaries (1989 would you believe, and to my surprise, there are names mentioned who we still see, Hi Steph) manilla files with pre-surgery briefing notes, hand-made Easter cards dating back to just after the original resurrection, dilapidated shopping lists, warranty cards for items I don't recognise and suspect we no longer own, Christmas decorations and most intriguing of all, an old suitcase full of plastic garbage and shopping bags. Now, as a sensitive new age husband, I know most of this "stuff" is priceless, treasure that can't possibly be disposed of. But, it does not belong piled up in the bedroom, especially on my side of the bed.
So, I commenced "operation Rationalisation and Relocation". Now, I know some of my female readers are starting to sweat. Relax, I only threw out the "stuff" I was 100% rock solid confident was absolutely and positively rubbish. Yes I kept the Easter cards. Once I'd placed the jiffy bag full of superflous "stuff" in the bin I packed everything else in boxes and took it out to the carport to store. From there, the owner has 7 years to claim it and after that it goes to the shed. 3 years after that if it remains untouched, as I expect it will, it will be consigned to the Busselton Shire Refuse Repository for retraining as landfill. Roll on 2016!
By this stage, two things are patently obvious.
1. My beloved wife is away, at a very safe distance, interstate in fact, and although she does read this blog, she will be powerless to intervene in my dastardly plan to rid my/our life, or my/our bedroom at least, of "stuff". If this were not so, I would not have been able to get away with such a drastic domestic overhaul.
2. For the purposes of entertainment I have slightly exaggerated some details of this cleaning exercise. There were in fact no payslips amongst the items removed and relocated.
The bedroom looks much better, there is space to walk around the bed without risk of injury, the carpet is 90%visible. Good job Marcus, once she gets over the grief associated with the loss of so much "stuff" I'm sure Carolyn will thank me! Surely!...
Disclaimer: In the interests of preserving my marriage I wish to state clearly for the record your honour that my wife does a fantastic job running our household, is a very good cook, washes 1-2 loads of washing a day on average, and works in three part-time jobs, all while keeping a close and caring eye on the progress of our three children in residence and the Heir via the internet.
Any similarity to a person of lesser domestic and familial ability is entirely coincidental and unintentional, other than for the previously stated purposes of entertainment.
And just in case Joshy lets her use his computer to check on my blog; Hi Dear, relax, it's all under control, I'm sure you'll be able to find whatever it is you're looking for! eventually! ;)
Having dealt with indoor tasks I turned my attention to matters in the yard. The grass needed cutting so I got out the multi-purpose gardening tool. Others with more time and disposable income than me may have a variety of garden tools, and certainly The Gardener has tools which not only don't I own, I don't even recognise, not them, not their purpose. For me, the multi-purpose gardening tool suffices, just add petrol, pull the rip cord and start walking in ever-decreasing circles, stopping only to empty the bag or clear small toys and children out of the way.
All was going well until I miscalculated the distance between the blades and the top of the sprinkler head, most of them can safely be driven over without incident but this one is on a slope and was sent hurtling across the yard in a flurry of plastic sparks. Hmmm! I don't know much about gardening but I know that's not good. Not a major drama, I think I've I got another one in the shed. The shed, that's another story I don't have time for in this lifetime. Thanks to my brilliant system of shed organisation I went straight to the right box, the one with anything associated with water or plumbing in it. Old sprinklers, hose fittings, washers, laundry taps, thread tape, drinking flasks, boogie boards etc. Just as I thought, there was a sprinkler head buried in there.
First flush the pipe of all the sand after digging out the broken piece. Easier said than done, which zone of the reticulation is it in? I'll just turn them all on, that should do the trick. Yep. OK, screw in the new sprinkler, turn on the system and see if it works. No! Rats. Just dribbling. Why? No idea. What to do? Can't ring the Gardener, he's in Perth with 100 kids at PlanetShakers! Check the watch, 1/4 to 6, just enough time to race round to Bunnings and get a new one.
Fast forward to Bunnings. Retic aisle. Wow, look at all those different pieces of reticulation, a bloke could have some fun with all this stuff! Top shelf, sprinkler heads, $7.70. Hmm Middle shelf, sprinkler heads $4.45, that's a little better but... bottom shelf, sprinkler heads, $1.50, now we're talking, get 2 just in case I need another one some time!
As everyone knows you can't leave Bunnings without buying something and even if you've got what you came for there are plenty of other seductive little hardware temptresses to trap you before you get to the checkout. Get some Rawl plugs, used the last one last night hanging the lighthouse picture. Better get some extra hooks as well, always need those on hand.
10 minutes and $10 later I headed home, armed and ready for anything the reticulation system wanted to throw at me. Shook off that strange and entirely misplaced feeling of over-confidence. I suspect they spray testosterone through the air conditioning system at Bunnings, what else could prompt such unwarranted feelings of masculine ability in someone as patently unqualified as me?
The good news: I fixed it, it worked, the garden won't die from lack of water. It will probably die from other causes, or at the very least neglect, but at least it won't die of thirst.
That fixed, I went back to the mowing, just the front yard to go, and it's so small nothing could go wrong. I was wrong of course. The wheels fell off! Well, wheel singular that is! I kid you not, one of the wheels fell off the mower!! I've mowed plenty of grass in my time but this is the first and only time I've ever lost a wheel in the process! ThereI was , holding a three wheeled mower, looking incredulous! It's a sign! God may have called Adam to be a gardener, but it definitely ain't my vocation! Closer inspection upon removing the hubcap showed that the bolt holding it in place had come loose. Are you like me, amazed at the very idea that a mower has hubcaps? I'd never noticed them before! Only then did I realise that one of them was missing! My mower was starting to look like it had been stripped by a bunch of gardening tool vandals. A spanner did the trick of restoring the offending wheel. Checked the rest but they were all fine.
Third time lucky? You'll be happy to hear that the rest of the mowing passed without incident, though I noticed that the accelarator cord has come adrift of the mounting which may account for the low revving. It will need fixing but not today, I've had about as much gardening and associated tool work as I can handle for one day.
Spurs 0 Aston Villa 0. Not a great result but better than losing. Still 4th in the Premier League. I can't remember the last time Tottenham were this high on the ldder this far into a season!